I was out of town for a speaking engagement when I received a message on my cell. It was a photo my husband sent of our two kids (8 and 10 years old at the time) smiling ear to ear while roasting hot dogs in the backyard fire pit. At 10:30pm. On a school night. : )
Fortunately I’d been traveling as part of my work for years by then, so it only made me shake my head and laugh. Prior to that, it would’ve made me question my decision to leave home.
Why?
The lack of control used to stress me out. It’s a mom thing I think. Like no one else could possibly take care of things like I can – at least where the kids are concerned. (Which mostly comes from our fear of not being needed even as we complain about being needed by everyone for everything.)
This must be similar to the way my husband feels when we have a snowstorm. I shovel and clear functional paths in the snow, but it’s not quite the same as revving up the 4-wheeler and completing the art of snow removal. However, both scenarios usually allow us to leave the house. Similarly, my husband’s evening with the kids met the end goal of providing them with food and companionship. He just went about it in a different way.
The thing is, I had to learn that different is not always bad. That My Way is not the only path that keeps the universe intact. And sometimes the other way is waaay more fun!
Many people, perhaps well-meaning, ask me how I can ‘leave my children to travel for work’. One thing I tell them is this: I’ve learned to let go. Not in a bad way, not in a “the house is going to hell in a hand basket” sort of way. But in a trusting way. My husband and family are quite capable in my absence.
And the best thing is that my husband is proficient in school conferences, homework projects, and (better at) cooking – well beyond hot dogs in the fire pit. This is a gift to all of us. One I’m not sure I’d have made the space for if the opportunity hadn’t presented itself.
I carry this lesson with me, and how our family is better for it, into other parts of my life.
I’m learning all the time to let go, delegate, empower, and trust. And the vast majority of the time, so far as I can tell, the earth is still spinning on its axis.
Find one simple thing to let go of with trust. The process might look different from yours, but I bet the results will surprise you.
